


The New Legends: Crack Edition

by TheGirlWithThe555



Category: The New Legends of Monkey (TV)
Genre: Crack, Funny, Gen, Screenplay/Script Format, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27570877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGirlWithThe555/pseuds/TheGirlWithThe555
Summary: This is a series of silly script-fics I wrote for Tumblr. No pairing, just some fun little skits. Definite spoilers for season two though. Enjoy.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 10





	1. Scary Stories

Sandy: and then the evil witch locked him away for what he thought would be all eternity...

Monkey: well that's not that bad...

Pigsy: what she didn't say is that she chopped off all his glorious hair before she locked him up, hair kinda like yours.

Monkey: * _holds hands over hair protectively_ * no! The horror! * _hides behind Tripitaka_ *

Tripitaka: you know Monkey, I shaved my head for you.

Monkey: * _dramatic gasp_ * Why!?!?!?!?

Tripitaka: The Font Demon would recognize me.

Monkey: *looks back and forth from Sandy and  
Tripitaka* I don't know which one is scarier! I don't think I can sleep tonight!

Tripitaka: * _rolls eyes_ *


	2. Pretend To Be Me

Monkey: maybe we could take turns being me and then I only have to do half the work!

...

Shadow Monkey: I am Monkey! The normal one that you have traveled with all this time!

Tripitaka, Sandy, and Pigsy: *give him weird looks*

Shadow Monkey: Now I shall do normal things that I do... All the time! *hugs Tripitaka* I love you daddy and totally don't want to kill you so I can be free!

Monkey from Behind a Bush: Your doing great! They will never figure it out!


	3. Don't Make Me Bring You Back

Tripitaka: if you die, I'll kill you

...

Monkey: *hatches from egg* wait... She was serious.


	4. Not Another Nightmare

"Take-One"

Font Demon: I am a nightmare!

Monkey: in that outfit?

"Take-Two"

Font Demon: I am a nightmare!

Monkey: you look more like a dream to me...

Font Demon: Wait... What?

"Take-Three"

Font Demon: I am a nightmare!

Monkey: in your dreams!

"Take-Four and get onto something other than dreams..."

Font Demon: I am a nightmare!

Monkey: I didn't know I was sleeping!

"We're gonna take a break..."

Monkey: wait, I got it! This is the one, I can feel it.

"Okay... Take-Six"

Font Demon: I am a night-."

Monkey: *points at Font Demon* I am a god! You are a demon! Let's fight!

"Yup, take break!" 

...

"Take-one hundred and eighty-four."

Font Demon: I am a nightmare!

Monkey: maybe you are, but how does that explain your hair? 

Font demon: *strokes hair* yes my hair is nice.

*monkey and font demon fist bump*

"Yeah, they want you to just say 'a nightmare, no, no'."

Monkey: *sigh*

"Take-One Hundred and Eighty-Five."

Font Demon: I am a nightmare.

Monkey: A nightmare? No, no...


	5. Weird Dreams

Sandy: *wakes up and yawns* I had such a weird dream last night.

Tripitaka: what was it about?

Sandy: that I couldn't talk, like something was caught in my throat.

Tripitaka: That sounds crappy.

Sandy: But then I opened my mouth and hundreds of beautiful butterflies flew out.

Tripitaka: Well, I guess that's good?

Sandy: But then they turned into little, gross-looking spiders.

Tripitaka: That sounds horrible.

Sandy: Yes, but then we hunted all of them down and Pigsy cooked them up and they were quite delicious if I do say so.

Tripitaka: oh, well that's good. 

Sandy: But then we all broke out in this horrible itchy rash... *starts scratching at skin absent-mindedly*

Tripitaka: Wait a minute... *shudders*

Pigsy: Shut up Sandy, she didn't know!

Sandy: Oh yeah, that's right. Tripitaka, you weren't in my dream.

Monkey: *walks up itching like crazy* Not a dream.

Tripitaka: Spiders? You guys? Really?

Sandy: *puts hand on stomach* Did I really burp up tons of butterflies?

Pigsy: No, that was a dream.

Sandy: Wait, where did the spiders come from?

Monkey: The trees, remember?

Sandy: *thinks deeply and then seems to remember* oh yeah... That's right. They were tree spiders, sneaky little things. *grabs journal, starts writing.*

Tripitaka: *stirs pot with anti-itch herbs for them* Spiders in a tree, you guys? For real? You ate them?


	6. Therapy Sessions

Therapy Sessions

Monkey: When I found out it was him...

Therapist: Mhmm, go on *jotting on clipboard*

Monkey: I felt betrayed and angry.

Therapist: And how does that make you feel?

Monkey: Upset! He betrayed me and framed me and killed The Master!

Therapist: And Davari, what do you have to say on this?

Davari: I mean, he's right, I betrayed him.

Therapist: And how does that make you feel?

Davari: It makes me feel... Better, like maybe for once, just once, I can be on top.

Therapist: What makes you feel like you need to feel like that?

Davari: *Looks at monkey and gestures at him* Just look at him!

Therapist: *Looks at monkey*

Monkey: *Playing with mini version of staff pretending hand is a person.*

Davari: He's an idiot! Him and his stupid perfect hair get to be immortal while I get to die! He gets to be the captain of the god's guard while I hide in the shadows!

Monkey: Wait a minute! I know what's really going on here!

Davari: *Glances at monkey*

Therapist: Go on...

Monkey: You told me I should be king and get a crown so I would put this crown on...

Davari: Yes...

Monkey: And when I put it on it won't come off...

Davari: Correct.

Monkey: So you could ruin my hair! You've been jealous of my hair all this time, haven't you? Jokes on you, the crown makes it look even better.

Davari: What!? No! See! See what I mean!? Idiot!

Monkey: *Sigh* so what do you think doc?

Therapist: *Turns clipboard around* It's monkeys hair, Monkey is right.

Davari: What!?


	7. New Armor

Monkey: *Comes in wearing new armor and stands in a pose*

Tripitaka, Sandy, and Pigsy: *Not paying attention*

Monkey: *comes closer and poses again*

Tripitaka, Sandy, and Pigsy: *still not paying attention*

Monkey: ahem *cough, cough* ahem

Tripitaka, Sandy, and Pigsy: *still not looking*

Monkey: drops arms and frowns. *sigh*

Tripitaka, Sandy, and Pigsy: *still not looking*

Monkey: *sighs louder, and then again*

Tripitaka: *looks at monkey* yes?

Monkey: *poses with exasperated look*

Tripitaka: oh, um, nice haircut Monkey. *smiles*

Monkey: okay! That's it! I'm taking it back! *stomps off angrily* 

Sandy: *looks up* what was that about?

Tripitaka: *shrugs* I guess he didn't like his haircut.


	8. Are We the Squirrels?

Monkey and Tripitaka: *sleeping*

Sandy: *writing in journal*

Pigsy: *cleaning up camp*

Sandy: *lightbulb above head* Pigsy, what do you think of chipmunks?

Pigsy: what about chipmunks?

Sandy: what if it was a chip... monk like Tripitaka?

Pigsy: you mean not really a monk?

Sandy: No, I meant a boy chip-monk who's really cute, but turns out to be a really cute girl chip-monk and she's travelling with three squirrels but she really likes the white squirrel, but the white squirrel is worried she might like the brown squirrel more?" 

Pigsy: Are we the squirrels?

Sandy: *rolls eyes* Do I look like a squirrel to you?

Pigsy: Uhhh... No?


	9. Make Them Dance

Monkey: *shirt not on*

Tripitaka: *secretly staring*

Monkey: *notices tripitaka staring and makes pecs dance*

Tripitaka: *about to blush*

Shadow Monkey: *claps* yes brother, make them dance!!! *too excited*

Monkey: *feels awkward*

Tripitaka: *feels awkward too*


	10. Blonde Jokes

Pigsy: A blonde walks into a bar and says ow.

Sandy and Tripitaka: *laughs*

Monkey: I don't get it, why is walking into a bar painful? Were the drinks too much? Or was someone in front of her?

Tripitaka: *pats Monkey's back* you're thinking too much into it Monkey.

Sandy: Yeah, don't worry about it.

...Two Weeks Later...

Everyone: *asleep*

Monkey: *laying in bed still pondering joke* wait! I get it! She didn't open the door! She ran into the door!

Pigsy: *grumpy and half asleep* it's a stinkin metal bar Monkey, that's why she says ow, now go back to sleep!

Monkey: *looks even more confused* why is there a metal bar in front of the door to the bar?

Pigsy: *face palm of all face palms*


	11. Cooking Contest

"And the contestants only have two more minutes to put their finishing touches on their dishes, oh, it looks like that is time. Contestant number one, what have you made for the judges today?"

Sandy: well, I've got boiled water with cold water with some pearl onions!

"Ohhh... Okay"

Sandy: yes, I really think the judges are going to love it.

"Alright, well, contestant number two, lets see what you made."

Monkey: I call this... A mud pie! And I drew that smiley face in it myself.

"Mhmm... And now contestant number three, what did you make?"

Tripitaka: It's marbled tea eggs with a side of rice.

"Wait, really?"

Tripitaka: yup

"That's not so bad... Okay, contestant number four, what did you ma-"

Pigsy: it's a four course meal. You start with this nice bacon and bean soup and then move onto this salad and yes those are freshly picked tomatoes and cured ham, followed by our main dish of pork pot stickers and stir fried noodles, and for dessert a chocolate fondue with bananas.

"Okay, well, I think we all know who our winner is. Judges?"

Judge one: going to go with the boiled water onions.

"What?"

Judge two: yes, me too, they were very good.

"Wait, this can't be right. Judge three? Surely you didn't like the boiled water with onions did you?"

Judge three: uh uh, no way.

"Oh, okay, good."

Judge three: I'm going with the mud pie.


	12. Rain Cloud

Monkey: I don't know what to do, rain keeps falling on my head...

Tripitaka: it is quite strange how it's only you...

Shadow Monkey: Brother!!!!! I got my own cloud!!!

Tripitaka: *giggles* and of course it's a rain cloud. 

Monkey: *rings out hair*

Shadow Monkey: what do you think of it!?

Monkey: it's ruining my hair!


	13. See You Next Fall

Davari: haha, have a nice trip! *evil laughter*

Monkey: *meets tripitaka* How did davari know about tripitaka though? I still don't get it.

Pigsy: I don't think that's what he meant...

Monkey: Hey! Tripitaka is nice! You can't change my mind!


End file.
